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"Many young (widows and widowers) feel that once they have lost their spouse, they have caught their limit and are not entitled to love again or simply enjoy companionship." That's often compounded, she says, by friends and family who offer criticism instead of support.Widower Matt Logelin, 34, who lives in Los Angeles with his daughter, Madeline, encourages young widows and widowers to be true to themselves.About a year after her husband died, Shannon Bell, 31, of Kendallville, Ind., says she jumped too quickly into the dating pool. I quickly fell into a relationship with someone who was not right for me in the least, but he was someone with a heartbeat."Lesson learned, Bell spent time "finding what I was made of on my own." A year and a half later, she's in a healthy relationship, expressing her grief freely and taking it slowly.
You are upset and don't understand why she just can't get into you. Before you get upset with the next widow you meet and want to date, please consider the following list on things to consider when you find out someone is a widow, and be sure to ASK more questions in the beginning.It's important, during and after the grieving process, not to accept others' misguided notions.Equally important, says Carole Brody Fleet, author of "Widows Wear Stilettos: A Practical and Emotional Guide for the Young Widow" (New Horizon Press) and herself a widow, is letting go of dating guilt.If this ends in a non-stop crying jag each time the name is mentioned, this will also be a good tip-off that your new partner is really not ready to recouple.If there is only some lingering grief, try to figure out together how to move forward - how to create new memories so the old ones can be tucked away and only revisited when fondly remembering a late spouse on a birthday or another special moment or day.